One of you left me a reminder in the comments to tell what I’ve been thinking these past couple weeks. It’s not the lightest subject, but oh well… I already have a few post sketches, but none of them feels right. It’s hard to put thoughts into words sometimes. And write those deeper thoughts in a level that you still feel comfortable pressing the publish button. I’m gonna go back in time to open my thoughts this time, but just to scratch the surface a little bit, and tear down the wall I have created between me and my blog. For those who want to save time I’m gonna sum this post up here: January wasn’t the best, ok to be straight honest it sucked, but I’m fighting to leave the dark dull month behind.
Eräs kommentoija muistutti mua viime postauksessa, että lupasin kertoa mitä mielen päällä on ollu viime viikkoina. Aihe ei ole helpoin, mutta yritän jotenkin avata ajatuksiani. Oon jo muutamia tekstejä kirjoitellut postausluonnoksiin, mutta mikään niistä ei ole tuntunut ihan oikealta. Vaikka haluankin kirjoittaa avoimesti vakavammistakin aiheista, haluan silti että julkaise-napin painaminen tuntuu oikealta. Näissä ajatuksissa palaan vähän ajassa taaksepäin, jotta saan raapaistua pintaa siitä mistä puhun. Ja purettua muuria jota vahingossa tammikuun aikana mun ja blogin välille rakensin. Te jotka haluatte säästää aikaa, niin summaan postauksen tässä lyhyeen: tammikuu oli vähän vaikea, okei tammikuu oli aivan pyllystä, mutta oon valmis jättämään tuon pimeän ja harmaan kuun taakse.
In my past I’ve been battling with depression. The word sounds harsh, but I think it’s important to make it less tabu. I love how many people are talking about it openly, so I don’t see a reason why to keep quiet about it here either. Depression is more common than you’d think. A lot more common than I thought when I was first told I have depression many many years ago. I didn’t really want to think about it, and to be honest I was too tired to care or understand. I wanted to forget about it, but it’s not going to go away without putting up a fight and facing it. In general I’m a happy person, I get excited really easily, love doing things, experiencing new and just loving life. But sometimes I feel too much and think too much, and have a strong introverted side that can be a threat if I don’t control it. When it turns against me, I start feeling almost numb. So I really needed to focus and shake up my mind to put up that fight. But yeah that was a turning point in my life having to face depression.
Oon menneisyydessäni paininut masennuksen kanssa. Masennus kuulostaa ehkä pelottavalta joillekin, mutta onneksi aihe ei ole enää tabu. Yhä enemmän ihmisiä puhuu näistä asioista julkisesti, ja se on mun mielestä todella hienoa. Masennus on kuitenkin yleisempää mitä uskoisi, ja jos voi yhdellekään ihmiselle antaa tsemppiä siinä, ettei ole ongelman kanssa yksin, niin on arvokastakin puhua ääneen. Kun mulle monia vuosia sitten kerrottiin, että mulla on masennus, en osannut käsitellä asiaa. En silloin edes jaksanut välittää tai halunnut miettiä sitä, ihmettelin vain miten tähän on tultu. Olen yleisellä tasolla iloinen tyyppi, innostun herkästi milloin mistäkin, rakastan tehdä uusia juttuja ja olen vain pienestä asti ollut sellainen omanlainen touhuaja. Mutta joskus mieli voikin kääntyä itseä vastaan. Mulla ehkä introverttipuoli otti väärällä tavalla vallan, karkasin ongelmia omaan maailmaani. Näin kaiken kuin jonkun sumean ja apean filtterin läpi, ja tuntui kuin olisin kadottanut sen oman oikean itseni.
Back when I was a teenager I spent a lot of time alone. I didn’t have many girlfriends, I was tired of bullying and gossiping that happened in high school and didn’t have any experience of a true friendship that wasn’t toxic. I kind of wanted to isolate myself, I think I was almost afraid of girl groups. And the romantic relationships I had weren’t exactly healthy. But I know everyone has their struggles when they are teenagers, I’m definitely not holding any grudges, only seeing compassion. But there started my battle with depression, and my wrong ways of coping with it.
Teininä vietin aika paljon aikaa yksin. Mulla ei hirveästi ollut yläasteen jälkeen tyttökavereita, olin kyllästynyt juoruiluun, selän takana pahan puhumiseen, ulkopuolelle jäämiseen ja kaikkeen siihen. En tiedä oliko mulla kokemusta aidosta ystävyydestä silloin, ja epäilin löytäisinkö enää ystäviä. Tulevat ensimmäiset parisuhteet eivät olleet ihan terveitä nekään, ja kaikki pienet asiat johtivat siihen, että halusin vain eristäytyä. Mutta en todellakaan kanna kaunaa mistään vanhasta, se ei ole tän tekstin tarkoitus, en usko että kenenkään nuoruus on ollut vain ruusuilla tanssimista. Ajattelen kaikkea mennyttä nykyään aika myötätuntoisesti. Mutta sieltä jostain lähti mun kamppailu masennusta vastaan.
I’m 100% believing in turning difficulties into opportunities. Hard times can be meant to happen to create the you that you need to become. To open up your eyes to something you have ignored. One thing I have fully learned, is to pay attention to tiny things and tiny decisions. Each day, each moment. They will sum up and be a big result. On your well-being and whole life.
Uskon täysin siihen, että vaikeudet kääntyy voitoiksi. Vaikeat ajat on kenties tarkoitettu tapahtuviksi, jotta tulisi juuri siksi ihmiseksi kuin on tarkoitus tulla. Niiden ansiosta voi aueta silmät asioille, joita ei ennen nähnyt. Kiinnitän huomiota nykyään entistä enemmän päivittäisiin pieniin päätöksiin. Ne kaikki summautuu yhteen, ja niillä kaikilla luo myös oman henkisen hyvinvointinsa.
So what has this all to do with how I’ve been doing? Yes I definitely feel like I’ve won my biggest battle with depression, but I still have times when I’m not feeling my best. Still sometimes I have to stop and see the signs, and punch depression in the face again.
My friend asked about my hormones just a few days ago, since she knows a lot about them and how they affect on your mood. I hadn’t even thought about it, but I’m sure at least 50% of my feelings had something to do with hormones. I mentioned here before I quit pills already some months ago, which messed up a lot of things. I had almost like one month lasting PMS. Feels a little too much information writing about it here, but I’m sure many of you know what I’m talking about since PMS affects 85% of women at some time during their lives. And it’s proven PMS can make you feel depressed and create mental fatigue. But to keep this post somewhat in subject I won’t talk about this any longer, just an important little thing to remember.
No mitä tällä masennusta sivuuttavalla tekstillä menneisyydestä on tekemistä sen kanssa, miten mulla alkuvuosi on mennyt? Edelleen tulee aikoja, kun fiilis ei ole parhain. Sehän kuuluu kaikilla elämään. Välillä mun täytyy silti vain pysähtyä, huomata merkit ja muistuttaa itseäni jutuista jotka olen jo kertaalleen oppinut. Vaikka koenkin että voitin masennuksen, tulee niitä aikoja kun mieli on taas enemmän maassa, ja tuntuu että on vähän kadottanut taas omaa itseään.
Tajusin jälkeenpäin, että olihan tässä hormoneillakin osuutensa. Kerroin joitakin kuukausia sitten lopettaneeni pillerit, ja sehän sekoitti kropan täysin. Nyt tuntui olleen sellainen kuukauden kestävä PMS. 85% naisista kärsii PMS-oireista jossain vaiheessa elämäänsä, joten varmaan osa tietää mistä puhun. PMS todistetusti aiheuttaa masennusoireita ja henkistä sumuisuutta. En tästä nyt kirjoittele enempää, jotta postaus pysyisi joten kuten raameissaan, mutta pieni tärkeä asia muistaa tämänkin osuus.
I remember my therapist once asking me, if I believe that I can live a happy and free life in this world of blogging, social media and everything. Or is it too much in contradiction with my true desires, or does it affect on my well-being. Even though there are lot of pressures, I still have strong sense of reality, sense of who I am and the things I find important, so I don’t see my job that I love being a problem. I trust myself in this. Yes it feels sometimes pressuring, knowing that as a blogger you can’t just say that hey, I’m gonna be one month away because I’m not feeling it. (Not that you could do that in any job.) To say that I don’t feel like looking at pictures of me right now, I don’t care about fashion right now, I don’t travel often enough to post the perfect instagram pictures, and don’t live any perfect instagram life. Or something is happening in my personal life that makes it almost impossible to write about anything light here. But then again… I know you aren’t looking for that perfect content (constant traveling, new designer purchases, fashion week reports etc) when you come here. I more feel like I have a family that supports me here, I don’t feel like I’m in any kind of blog world bubble that’s way out of reality. If you know what I mean. So I don’t find this “world” being in contradiction with who I am.
Muistan hyvin erään kerran, kun terapeuttini kysyi multa vakavana, uskonko voivani olla onnellinen ja vapaa blogi- ja somemaailmassa, elää sellaista elämää mitä haluan. Vai onko se liian ristiriidassa mun persoonan ja syvimpien toiveiden kanssa. Vaikka bloggaamiseen liittyykin omat paineensa, koen että mulla on vahva todellisuuden taju, tiedän ja tunnen itseni, asiat jotka ovat mulle tärkeitä. Pähkäiltyäni tätä en näe että työssä jota rakastan olisi ongelmaa, niin kauan kuin pidän kiinni omasta itsestäni. Kuitenkin tiedostan bloggaamisen paineet, miten tämä ala on muuttunut ja miten pitää olla jatkuvassa kehityksessä. Ei ole varaa ottaa taukoja, kadottaa luovuutta ja olla suunnittelematta tulevaa. Ei työelämässä eikä yrittäjänä ole varaa pysähtyä. En voisi vain ilmoittaa täällä selittämättä, että nytpä otan lomaa enkä päivitä mitään kanavaani kuukauteen, koska ei huvita. (Okei ei missään työssä voi näin tehdä.) Että nyt just en jaksa katsoa kuvia itsestäni, muoti ja pukeutuminen ei jaksa kiinnostaa, eikä tämän hetkinen instagram-maailma tunnu siltä että huvittaa olla siellä. Joten mähän protestoin ja pidän loman! Vähän kärjistettyä ehkä. Mutta tällaisten aikojen ratkaisu on palaaminen omaan itseensä, omien innostusten lähteille. Toisaalta en tunne painetta mahtua mihinkään muottiin blogin tai instagramini kanssa. Arvostan lukijoitanikin siitä syystä, että ette lue tätä siksi että täältä sitä täydellistä maailmaa etsisitte. Niitä upeimpia matkakuvia ja uusimpia it-laukkuja. Vaan ihan tavallista elämää, mitä milloinkin elämässäni tapahtuu, ajatuksia ja luonnollisuutta. En koe että sisältöni on riippuvainen matkustelusta, shoppailusta tai muusta vastaavasta, vaan saan toteuttaa itseäni juuri aidolla tavalla.
I have a vision how I want my blog and instagram to be. I don’t feel pressured to fit in the social media world and I don’t want to recreate something that already exists. I don’t want to plan too much, or start doing things just because they’d look cool on instagram. I feel most happy when I can fulfil true me, whatever it is. Be more relaxed with what I post. Whatever it does to the amount of followers I have, that shall happen. I don’t feel like thinking about the instagram algorithm anymore, the decreasing numbers of followers or the shadow-ban situation. It drove me crazy in the end of 2017, I admit. I know I’m not the only one with this problem, but I’m gonna make the decision now not to think about it anymore, and not let it affect on what I post.
Same with my blog. Real moments, real thoughts, real outfits, my weird long-ass texts like this one, but also those light feel-good thoughts. Sharing what I feel each day sharing. I’ve always found I love doing this in real time, not planning posts weeks before, but actually live in now also on the blog.
Saying these wishes out loud feels good, and will make it easier for me. So this might help me to get back connected with my blog and with you guys, I hope. 🙂
Mulla on selvä visio siitä, minne haluaisin blogillani ja instagramillani suunnata. Oon puhunut siitä aiemminkin, miten haluan pystyä postaamaan molempiin kanaviin rennommin, olla suunnittelematta liikaa ja postailla reaaliajassa. Oikeaa elämää, oikeita ajatuksia, oikeaa mua. Viime vuoden lopuilla stressasin instaa aika paljon, enemmän kuin aiemmin. Jatkuvasti laskevista luvuista tuli epäonnistunut olo, vaikka tiesin algoritmien ja shadow bannien ahdistavan muitakin. Niitä en jaksa enää ajatella. Mitä sitten tapahtuukaan luvuille, saa tapahtua, en voi antaa sen jarruttaa kaiken aikaa.
Mutta hyvää teki sanoa näitä ajatuksia ääneen. Jospa mä olisin taas paremmin yhteydessä blogiini ja teihin. 🙂
M. says
Thank you for writing it. I’ve been struggling with depression since I remember too so I can totally relate to almost everything what you wrote.
If there’s something I could advice you- check your thyroid asap. Do TSH, F3, F4 and antiTP, anitTG tests. Not that long ago I was diagnosed with Hashimoto disease which causes depression.
When it comes to your blog, I think you already noticed that people like real, authentic people they can relate to. Of course nice pictures, travel and fashion stuffs are also popular, but I think you should stay you and involve fully your true personality and share your thoughts even if there’s a boring period of your life. There are a few Instagram accounts that I follow, I don’t really remember all of the nicknames, the one that pops in my mind is @la_frecks. She’s very inspiring with her story and so brutally real. Maybe she’ll inspire you too, to make some changes on your blog or writing style.
Anyway, wish you a good weekend and sending lots of love <3
Marianna says
Thank you so much for this comment M! <3 I need to get that tested again. I remember some years ago when it was tested, that my test results were a little confusing, it could have been it but the doctor said that we should check it later... Thank you so much for this helpful comment! I need to check that instagram account and read about her thoughts! x
Aimee says
I happened to see your comment, and something made me look at that Instagram account and wow. I have spent the last few hours poring over everything she has ever posted. Thank you so much for recommending it! My soul needed Stef!
Angie says
What a great post, it’s really good hearing your real thoughts. I hope you can somehow make it through depression and be able to live a positive life. When you have moments of doubt, just try to remember that you are worth it. Always.
If you don’t mind me asking, what was the reason you started taking pills and why did you decide to stop?
Have a lovely evening! 🙂
Marianna says
Thank you Angie for being so kind! <3
I mostly started them because I've just thought that you should be on pills, know your monthly cycle, have better skin, and all the traditional reasons. I stopped because I started to be a little suspicious if they affected on my mood, and if I really needed them. Now a little later I'm not sure of my thoughts about them, but feels safer for me to stay away... x
Karo says
Mariannan, please check your dm on instagram. I sent really important msg about this post… xxx
Marianna says
Thank you for your amazing message, just answered you! <3
Aga says
I literally want to hug you for this post!!!
Well, it just feels good to know that there’s someone out there dealing with the same kind of thoughts on a daily basis…
Take care of yourself… and let’s just wait for spring to come, because it tends to make everything better!
Marianna says
It does. Thank you so much Aga. <3 Sending a virtual hug right back at you!
Suvi says
Upea kirjoitus ja hienoa, että uskalsit kertoa masennuksesta ja toit sen näin esille. Mukavaa sunnuntaita ja kaikkea hyvää ☺
Marianna says
Voi kiitos paljon Suvi 🙂 Toivottavasti oli mukava sunnuntai sullakin!
Mariia says
Hey Marianna! I know I wouldn’t be the only one to say a huge thank you for being you! A brave you, who decides to talk about depression, introversion and PMS. (Because yes, we should be open about them all!) An inspiring and strong you, who silently battles whatever comes across . And most importantly, a sincere you who looks upon a real life instead of a fake picture-perfect one (which is never worth it and which spreads even more depression). I hope you always find the strength within you, and whenever you’re in doubt – just bring on another long-ass text and you will see once again that you are never ever alone in this <3 Cheers!
Karo says
Yes.. i totally agree with you girl
Mariannan, thank you for this post! Kiss and hugs. You are strong girl, remember that
Marianna says
Hi Mariia! Your comment warms my heart. <3 Having this kind of a support is way too kind. Thank you so so much!
Lan says
Wow, i follow you for so many years and i really admire the way you create your blog and also be a part of your little world. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts!
Marianna says
Thank you so much Lan. 🙂
emma says
oon itse todella introvertti ja kärsin yleisestä ahdistushäiriöstä, joka vaikuttaa ihan älyttömän paljon mun arkipäiväiseen elämääni. tuntui jotenkin voimaannuttavalta että niinkin menestyvä kuin sinä voi kärsiä, tsemppiä siis <3 mua on aina ihmetyttänyt sun ulospäin hehkuva rohkeus, ihan tähän aiheeseenkin liittyen miten oot ottanut blogiyhteistöitä yms vastaan? onko sulla introverttius vaikuttanut jotenkin negatiivisesti?
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon tän jakamisesta Emma. Toivon kaikkea tsemppiä sullekin! <3
Introverttiys on vaikuttanut varmasti kaikkeen blogiin liittyvään, aloin nyt vasta miettimään onko sitten positiivisesti vai negatiivisesti... Kaikkeen tai suurimpaan osaan mitä on tarjottu ja ehdoteltu (matkoista yhteistöihin) en ole lähtenyt mukaan, mutta en ole jäänyt katumaan niistä mitään. Eli kaikkiin oikeasti mua kiinnostaviin asioihin oon lähtenyt, on ne pelottaneet mua tai ei. Mutta sitten sellainen itsensä brändäys, myyminen ja hehkuttaminen joka blogimaailmaan myös kuuluu ei ole niin mun heiniä. En tosin sitäkään osaa harmitella, koska mikä ei ole mua ei sitten vain ole mua. Ja jos sen takia jää sivusuun jotain, niin saa jäädä. Tuntuu että sitten yhteistyöt joita teen, teen myös enemmän sydämellä. Ja oon tarkka toteutustavoista, että ne on aitoa mua, eikä mikään etukäteen saneltua. Eli osaan kuitenkin pitää tosi hyvin puoliani.
Isoin asia mikä varmasti helpottaa kaikkea, on sen introverttiyden hyväksyminen ja arvostaminen. Näen niin paljon vahvuuksia omassa tavassa ajatella ja olla, vaikka se toisen silmään saattaisi näyttää ainoastaan ujoudelta ja oudolta. Ja mua kiehtoo ylipäätään ajattelevaisuus, en osaisi kuvitellakaan etten näkisi maailmaa tältä omalta kantiltani. Näin en oo kuitenkaan aina ajatellut, pitkään mietin mikä mussa on vikana, kun en vain osaa olla kuin muut.
Toivottavasti ahdistushäiriön kanssa helpottaa! <3 Olen aivan varma että tulee helpottamaan. Oot arvokas ja täydellinen just noin.
Clara says
Congratulions on this post and thank you for writing it.
At this point I read with depression and everything seems so dark that it is completely impossible for me to see a light in it all. And I wanted it so badly that when it woke up tomorrow, everything had already passed.
But it’s like you say, “each day, each moment”. It’s what I’m trying to do.
And with this happening in my life, I want to firmly believe what you write “hard times can be meant to happen to create the you that you need to become. To open up your eyes to something you have ignored”. Very slowly I find some clues in the middle of this mess.
Best wishes and have a good weekend!
Marianna says
Oh, if I could just come and give you a hug. <3 I know you are going to get through it, even if you wouldn't believe it yourself, I know you are. You are strong and beautiful, and worthy of a happy life. Even if there isn't any light of the tunnel, trust me you'll see a dim light one day there, and it'll only get stronger and stronger. Thank you for sharing this Clara.
Clara says
Thank you so so much for your kind words <3 it means a lot.
Kisses and have a wonderful week!
Caro says
Hey Marianna,
your post made me smile. I thought a while about your words and must say that they really touched me. I’m following your blog since 2011 and i always had some kind of picture of you in my head which was kind of shy and introverte on the one side, but nice, happy and loveable on the other side. Mostly I saw a person who was really focused on beauty, fashion and travelling and of course texting and posting about these kind of topics. But I like much more to read something about you and what kind of person you really are, your inner thoughts and even some uncomfortable details like the depression you had as a teenager. I think these kind of details are really important to make a person or a blog authentic, real and transparent for other people. Or more accurate: the follower who are really interested in your life.
Thanks that you shared this information with us 🙂
…and sorry for the spelling mistakes, i’m coming from Germany.
Marianna says
Thank you so much for these words Caro! This kind of a side is such a strong side of me, that I should probably show it here more. Loved to read this. <3 So thankful for the support! x
Marietta says
Marianna!!! I can’t believe you’ve struggled with all of this. Your posts certainly don’t show that. I hope you will feel better soon, please know that your readers will support you no matter what. And when it comes to Instagram – I am following you and your blog because of the content you create and because its not like everyone else’s. Hope this helps a bit. Stay strong!
Xx Marietta
Marianna says
Thank you lovely Marietta. <3
Rimante says
I lived the dark period not too long ago too, where seemed like depression took over me, my life. I just really want to thank you for this raw posts, thank you for letting me now, that I’m not the only one who was almost afraid of girl groups in school, I rely to almost everything where you written down here. Also, I just want to thank you one more time, for being AUTHENTIC! It just feels so amazing to read your blog, see your Instagram, where everything is so unique in a way. Nowadays, I feel like majority of what I see in social media is: palm trees, amazing bikini bodies, amazing beaches, turquoise water… And you, your work ethic really stands out in my eyes, in a good way of course! Depression, PMS sucks, I know that, I lived that threw too, but life is life. Best wishes!!!! Huuugs! ❤️❤️❤️
Marianna says
Thank you so much for this Rimante.❤️ Appreciate your words a lot. I don’t know why I hesitated showing this side of me, when you are all being so kind and supportive. x
emma says
<3
Marianna says
❤️
Mani says
Thank you so much for writing this post. I’m sure a lot of people can relate to what you’re going through, myself included… In the world of blogging and social media, it’s so easy to forget that there’s a human behind the pretty pictures and seemingly ‘perfect’ lifestyles. Just know that you’re followers will always support you, and I hope things start looking up for you soon x
Marianna says
Thank you Mani, this is so sweet. <3
Marie says
Marianna, I have been silently following your blog for years now and I have to say it is my absolute favorite by far. And this is exactly because I can relate to your personality so much, beeing an introvert, struggeling with relationships, etc. (and because I adore your interior style and Minnie :)) I am actually quite bored by blogs that mostly show vacation pictures and crazy designer stuff…its so meaningless and as a “normal” person I cannot relate to it! So please stay as you are and don’t doubt yourself so much (I know its easier said than done ;))!
Best wishes from Hamburg!
Marianna says
<3 Thank you for being so kind and lovely. Sending love to Hamburg!
V. says
Thank you for your trust, we’re here for you. Everything will be okay again, it’s okay to feel like that. Just don’t forget that the better days are coming. You’re stronger than the depression, I swear ❤️ I’m sending you a lot of love.
Marianna says
This means so much to me, thank you ❤️
Jonna says
❤️❤️ Rohkea ja ihana sä!!
Marianna says
No ihana Jonna, kiitos!❤️
Leanne says
I love that you chose to be open about this, I think depression is something that nearly everyone will experience at least once in their life. It’s quite a private thing too because you can easily put a smile on your face and pretend that everything is fine when really you don’t feel fine. So thank you for being open and vulnerable as it will help your blog readers in knowing that they are not alone. Hope February is better for you. xxx
Marianna says
Yes I think so too… It’s also a funny thing how people could assume that you are fine because everything looks okay from the outside, but the inner worlds and thoughts can be sometimes so different. Thank you for this comment! <3
La Bijoux Bella | by mia says
Any unhappiness in life such as depression can bring us down at any given time. Having to deal and realizing with this unfortunate is a strong sign that you are trying to cope to cure for the better. It’s good to talk it out, and be aware of the situation at hands. This is a great step towards happiness. Stay strong and tough when hard times hit. You’ll never know there will be a day when you’ll hit it back harder. ❤️?❤️
??LA BIJOUX BELLA ??| By Mia | A Creative Lifestyle Blog
Marianna says
Thank you for these beautiful words Mia! ❤️
Erin says
Thank you for your honesty! It is refreshing and mental health needs to be more openly talked about. I too battle depression and intense anxiety and the last month has been extremely difficult. Know that you are not alone and so very strong for talking about it. You are beautiful inside and out!
Marianna says
Thank you Erin, I completely agree with you! Comforting and sad the same time to hear that… But I can say the same for you, just sharing this is so beautiful, so thank you.
Minna K says
Voimia jatkoon ihana Marianna! Itsekin masennusta sairastanut ja välillä se ottaa vallan.
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon Minna tsempeistä, samat sanat sinullekin ! 🙂
Steph says
It can be so difficult to write about publicly but thank you so much for sharing! This post is so authentic and is one of the reasons I have been following your blog for 7 years now. Over the years your blog has shown such a well balanced lifestyle, I love that you take time for yourself, time with friends and family, time to exercise/cook well and time to holiday and relax; something I look up to. Sending you lots of love and support! xoxo
Marianna says
Thank you so so much Steph. <3
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
Stay strong, girl. ❤️
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Marianna says
❤️
i says
Mulla on ihan samanlaisia kokemuksia yläasteen jälkeen siitä, että olin lukiossa paljon yksin, koska minut eristettiin porukasta ulos. Siihen päälle vielä se ensimmäinen, erittäin henkisesti kuormittava parisuhde, joka sitten lopulta johti masennukseen, ahdistuneisuuteen ja univaikeuksiin. Kiitos, kun jaoit omia ajatuksiasi näin tärkeästä asiasta! <3 Kaikesta huolimatta susta hehkuu ihanaa positiivista energiaa tänne ruudun toiselle puolelle!
Marianna says
Miten kuulostaakin niin tutulta. Parisuhdekin voi vaikuttaa niin paljon omaan henkiseen terveyteen, vielä paljon suhteen jälkeenkin. Vääristyneisiin ajatusmalleihin, omakuvaan, ja yleisesti käsitykseen parisuhteista. Kiitos sullekin kun jaoit tämän. <3 Juuri tämänlaisten kommenttien takia oon iloinen että päätin tämän kirjoittaa. 🙂
Paulina says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
xxx
Marianna says
Thank you Paulina!
Katarzyna says
My January wasn’t the best either… I’m in such a rush I can’t wait to meet my family in a week.
Everything’s gonna be ok for me and for you and for everybody 🙂
Marianna says
That sounds so good. Thank you Katarzyna, I agree, that’s the only way. 🙂 ❤️
LMM says
Tämä oli rohkea ja tärkeä avautuminen. Olin jo ajatellut, että lopetan blogisi seuraamisen…
Marianna says
Kiitos kommentista, ja ymmärryksestä. 🙂 Kiva että oot vielä siellä.
LMM says
Kiitos itsellesi! En tiedä huomasitko itse, kuinka viimeisistä kuvistasi aistii jo nyt ihan jotain uutta. – Hyvää avointa luonnollisuutta ja lämpöä ja erityisesti sen, että ole niin läsnä. Hyvää kevättä!
Anni says
Upeaa, että uskalsit kertoa ajatuksistasi! Voimia kovasti jatkoon <3
Ja tosiaan, mitään paineita niistä täydellisistä matkakuvista ja uusimmista trendilaukuista ei kannata ottaa – itse ainakin mielummin seuraan ihan tavallista, samaistuttavaa elämää! Mulle tulee niistä täydellisistä instagram-kuvista ja blogipostauksista joskus vähän sellainen riittämätön olo, joten siksipä valitsen usein seuratuikseni vähän arkisempia postauksia julkaisevia henkilöitä.
Mä rakastan sun blogissa ja instagramissa juurikin niitä koti- ja arkipostauksia, niistä saa aina jotain pientä inspiraatiota omaankin arkeen! Sitähän se elämä kuitenkin hyvin pitkälti on – arkea. Nätit ja kivat kuvat arkielämästä saa mulle sellaisen tunteen, ettei arjenkaan tarvitse olla pelkkää tylsää ja harmaata painiskelua, vaan siihenkin voi lisäillä vähän sparklea!
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon Anni! <3 Tulinpa hyvälle mielelle kommentistasi, niin ihana kuulla! Itsekin kyllä huomaan muita blogeja lukiessa inspiroituvani parhaiten arkisista asioista ja ajatuksista... Mutta kiitos niin paljon tästä! 🙂
Mary says
That’s a great post! I really enjoyed reading it as I feel something similar these days.. New Year – New you, they say.. Ans you get frustrated with this thought and put too much pressure on yourself… But who is that “New you”? You are so right saying you need to be true you. I guess I should remind it myself more often 🙂 And somehoe I should teach my mum that I’m not lost, I’m not wasting my life, it’s just me trying lots of new different things 🙂
Thanks for you post! It was really nice reading it in the morning still lying in bed 😉
Marianna says
Thank you Mary! It’s so nice to hear that. And don’t be hard on yourself, I know you’re going to find your things and be the most real you when you take off the pressure! x
Kelly says
Thank you for finding the courage to hit the “publish” button on such a personal topic. I did this myself recently and it was so scary, but strange at the same time because I was the one putting myself in that vulnerable position of potentially being judged by other people, in the first place.
But what you wrote will resonate with so people and the fact you spoke about it so publically is such a good thing. There are so many subjects out there that are “no-go” areas for writing about or are not deemed “pretty” enough, that we find ourselves shying away from talking about depression/anxiety or whatever it may be.
So thank you again for sharing and I love the idea of “real time blogging” and not having everything planned out weeks in advance.
Looking forward to your next “What I’m thinking” post. ?✨ x
Marianna says
That is so true. Thank you Kelly. ❤️ If I could just help anyone it’s worth it, makes this feel so much more meaningful… And making this topic less tabu is really important, reading all these comments assure me of that. Thank you for leaving this lovely comment! x
Carol says
We love you <3
Marianna says
❤️❤️?
Katsu says
Kiitos tästä postauksesta! <3
Mä en jotenkin kestä kun meissä on niin paljon samaa! Tosi paljon samoja ajatuksia ja jotenkin tuntuu, et ne ”synkät kaudet” osuu myös aina samoihin aikoihin. Mulle tulee jotenkin aina tammikuussa alavireinen tila. ? Joulu on ohi ja alkaa uusi vuosi, ja ilmassa on sellasta epävarmuutta, joka ahdistaa mua. Musta tammikuu ei tunnu ikinä uudelta alulta vaan syksy ja sillon energiat onkin korkeella.
Vaikka en ainakaan tällä hetkellä lue blogeja niin intohimoisesti kuin ennen, käyn silti vähintään pari kertaa viikossa kattomassa, että josko sulta ois tullut uutta postausta. Sun blogi on aito, sun kuvat on inspiroivia ja musta välillä tuntuu, et oltais ystäviä kun oon seurannut sua niin pitkään ja onnistut aina julkaseen jotain puhuttelevaa. ? Merkkilaukut, meikit ja matkat on ihania, mutta tuskin kukaan jaksaa niitäkään loputtomiin. Mä aidosti uskon, et lukijoita kiinnostaa eniten kuulumiset ja ihan arkiset jutut. ?
Tsemppiä! ? Tammikuu on nyt selätetty, valoo tulee koko ajan lisää ja kohta on jo kevät! Osta ihanat kukat kotiin ja nauti pilkottelevasta auringosta. ??
Marianna says
Kiitos ihanasta kommentista Katsu! ❤️
Ihana kuulla että on samanhenkisiä tyyppejä siellä, mutta toisaalta niin surullista. Mulla kävi samoin, en osaa edes ymmärtää miten tammikuu meni miten meni. Ei oikein edes osannut odottaa tulevaa kevättä, tuntui että kun muut touhottivat menemään hapuilin vain itse jotain stop-nappulaa. Kiitos vielä, tästä kommentista ja tuesta ja siitä että oot siellä! 🙂 Isoimmat tsempit sinnekin, tämä oli niin ihana. ?
Eliza says
Dear Marianna,
I follow your blog for many many years now and I’m so impressed about how honest you shared this topic with us! I think it is very brave. I’m struggling with some depression episodes sometimes too, sometimes it’s so there and sometimes it’s gone. Open up with us readers is so wonderful and I hope all of our love can cheer you up a little bit. Because you are not alone!!
Marianna says
Thank you so much Eliza. ❤️ I’m so amazed by these comments, and all of you amazing people with all this support. Sending love and everything good for you too! x
Charlotte says
You are the most wonderful person!
Thank you so much for sharing!
This is too important not to share!
I‘ve been following you for years and always loved you for being authentic and true!
❤️
Marianna says
Thank you so so much Charlotte. That means so much to me! ❤️
Wera says
<3
Marianna says
❤️
Luiza says
Marianna, no matter how often will you post, how will your content evolve and what your thoughts are – we’ll always be here for you 🙂 You’ve builded a strong community of followers, who will not give up on you that fast. Take it easy! We have your back 🙂
Marianna says
Thank you so much Luiza. I’m so grateful for that, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve all of you. ❤️?
Marianne says
Kiitos Marianna tästä kauniista ja rehellisestä postauksesta!
Samaistun kanssasi niin moneen ajatukseen. Onnistuit pukemaan sanoiksi monen monta tunnetta.
Loppujen lopuksi kaikkein tärkeintä on aionoastaan oman hyvinvoinnin asettaminen etusiljalle!
Marianna, olet todella upea, aito ja ihana – toivon sinulle kaikkea hyvää 🙂 <3
xx
http://mariannelle.com
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon Marianne aina ihanista kommenteistasi! <3 Niinhän se on. 🙂
Hannah says
I have been reading your blog since 2012 and as someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression I completely understand how you are feeling. Thank you for being open about this. Your blog has always been a good source of fashion, beauty and travel inspiration for me over the years. In hard times we find strength. Xx
Marianna says
Thank you so much for understanding and leaving such a nice comment. That means a lot to me! x
Dixi Wonderland says
THIS IS SO BRAVE! Thank you so much for sharing, I could really relate to what you wrote and I´m not alone. It´s scary to show a personal part of yourself but I hope you feel better after pushing published.
Marianna says
Thank you so much Dixi! ❤️
Lisa Autumn says
Ahh this is such a real post.. I love you!
xx Lisa | lisaautumn.com
Marianna says
Thank you so much sweet Lisa! x
Elina says
Olipa puhutteleva postaus! Kiitos, kiitos niin paljon, että jaoit näitä ajatuksia. Olen kommentoinut tänne useamman kerran aikaisemminkin, että olisi kiva lukea enemmän näitä sinun syvällisempiä ajatuksia, sitä mitä sulla oikeasti on mielessä. Se on juuri niin, että mielellään seurailee sellaista bloggaajaa, joka julkaisee blogissaan ja instagramissaan sitä aitoa oikeaa elämää liikaa silottelematta. Oletko muuten ajatellut, että liian täydelliset kuvat voisivat karsia seuraajia? Itse kyllästyin näiden liian täydellisten kuvien kuvavirtaan instassani, koska huomasin, että inspiroitumisen sijaan ne alkoivat vain masentaa ja ruokkia riittämättömyyttä. Lopetin seuraamasta useita tilejä ja otin tilalle muutaman luontovalokuvaajan kuvia seurattavakseni. Luonto- ja eläinkuvista tulee luonnollisempi ja rauhallisempi fiilis itsellekin. 🙂 Jotenkin muistaa totuuden ja sen luonnollisuuden paremmin tässä maailmassa, jossa koko ajan tuntuu, että pitäisi olla jotain muuta mitä et ole.
Tuntui uskomattomalta lukea sana masennus sinun blogistasi. En olisi kuunaan uskonut, että sinä menestynyt, rohkea yksityisyrittäjäksikin alkanut bloggaja kärsit masennuksesta ja olet ollut terapiassakin. Tunsin niin paljon samaistumista näihin asioihin, joista kerroit. Olen itse kärsinyt masennuksesta lähes koko elämäni. Tuntuu, että en ole siitä koskaan parantunutkaan lukuisten hoitojen, hoitajien, terapeuttien, psykologien ja psykiatrien luona käytyjen käyntienkään jälkeen. Lääkkeitä en ole vuosiin halunnut syödä vaan olen vain päättänyt selvitä jotenkin elämässä eteenpäin. Olen myös ollut koulukiusattu ala- ja yläasteella ja tunnistan myös tuon ulkopuolelle jättämisen. Sitä koin hyvin paljon. Ja ne huonot parisuhteen, jotka saa itsetunnon romuttumaan lopullisesti.. Vanhempani eivät myöskään koskaan ole tukeneet minua vaan olen aina saanut kuulla kotona, kuinka minusta ei koskaan tule mitään enkä pärjää elämässä. Ei ole vaikeaa arvata millaista sisäistä puhetta se itselle luo, jos omat vanhemmat jankuttavat lakkaamatta tuollaisia lauseita koko lapsuuden ja nuoruuden ajan. Joten omaan maailmaan pakeneminen ja eristäytyminen muista ovat myös olleet itselleni sellaisia selviytymiskeinoja. Olen myös introvertti ja olen ollut erittäin arka ja pelokas lapsi. Lukiossa sairastuin paniikkihäiriöön ja silloin minulle todettin myös masennus ensimmäistä kertaa.
Olet onnekas kun sinulla on ystäviä nyt! Minulla ei ole yhtään ystävää tai kaveria, jonka kanssa voisin viettää aikaa. Asun tässä kaupungissa (ei Helsinki) vain töiden takia. Haaveilen, että voisin joskus lähteä lomamatkalle jonkun kanssa, mutta kukaan ei koskaan halua lähteä minun kanssani, vaan kaikilla on aina ne omat muut kaverit, poika- ja tyttöystävät, joiden kanssa matkat suunnitellaan ja toteutetaan. Hoksasin yhtenä päivänä, että blogien seuraamisesta on tullut mulle ystävien korvike, kun riensin aina töistä kotiin niin suurella innolla, että pääsisin lukemaan taas uusia postauksia suosikki bloggaajiltani. 😀 No välillä tulee viikonkin taukoja, että ei lue yhtään postausta eikä ehdi seurata ketään, joten minun mielestäni se pitäisi suoda ihan teille bloggaajillekin, että voi ottaa vähän lomaa blogin päivittämisestä. 🙂
Kaikkea ihanaa sinulle Marianna!
Ja kiitos, että teet ihanaa blogiasi!
<3
Marianna says
Voi kiitos niin paljon tästä kommentista Elina!
Tuossa on varmasti perää, että täydellisyys käy tylsäksi. Huomaan itsekin selaavani feediä välillä inspiroitumatta, jos se tuntuu vain täydellisten kuvien virralta, johon ei oikein ole tarttumapintaa. Joten tämä täytyykin pitää mielessä, ja tehdä kaikkea enemmän sen kautta, mikä oikeasti itseänikin inspiroi. 🙂
Huh, ei ole kivoja juttuja sunkaan nuoruudessa ja lapsuudessa. Kuulostaa rankalta yhdistelmältä ikäviä kokemuksia, ei ihmekään ettei mieli ole pysynyt kunnossa. Siinä mielessä saan olla itse kiitollinen, että perheen tuki on ollut valtavaa, en voi kuvitellakaan millaista olisi ollut ilman…
Olen niin helpottunut päätöksestä kirjoittaa masennuksesta tänne juuri tällaisten kommenttien takia. Jos yhtäkään ihmistä pystyisin vielä auttaa… Nykyään näen bloggaamisenkin eri tavalla kuin muutamia vuosia sitten, nyt kaipaan tähän enemmän merkityksellisyyttä, ja uskallan avata enemmän omaa sisäistä maailmaani.
Kiitos että jaoit myös pienen palan omaa tarinaasi, ja kiitos tuesta ja ihanista sanoista. Olisi kunnia saada olla sun ystävänä vaikka tätäkin kautta. ❤️
Sarah says
This is so brave of you! I wish I could write something, to make you feel better. Luckily I have never had depression and I can‘t imagine what it must be like. But whenever I feel bad, am afraid or anything like this I just tell myself: this is going to pass. Good things, bad things. It passes. I heart this from someone who is scared of flying and when he was in a plane always told himself: this situation starts, it is there and – it passes. I always find this thought very helpful. Maybe it helps you too!
Love from germany!
Marianna says
Thank you so much Sarah, just leaving a kind comment like that is more than enough 🙂 Yes that’s a really good way to see it, it will pass. And life is amazing and will be amazing, even though you wouldn’t see it in the dark times. Thank you! <3
Belli says
Thank you for your post. I think everyone has something “difficult” in life but the most discover it
Lots of love
Marianna says
Thank you Belli. 🙂 x
Ceyelle says
Thank you for being so honest with an intimate topic, while faced with the “big crowd”. It is not easy to talk about those not so perfect things in a social media world, where somehow perfection became the new standard.
I’ve been struggling with depressions as a teenager as well. I’ve put it on hold by choosing the right people around me. However, at the same time, I know that it kind of lurks in the shadows and is always waiting to be part of my life again, to overtake me. So I fight it every day, keep telling myself every day that I want to be that happy person and never go back to the darkness again, which usually works for me. In a world full of people with the seemingly perfect life it gets harder to tell myself that the imperfect me is fine and acceptable. So thanks a lot for sharing this real life moment – it makes me feel less broken, less unfit, less a failure.
Marianna says
Thank you so much Ceyelle! Yes it’s so important to see the things that matter in life, and especially your own well-being and mental health. All the superficial things are just so unimportant next to these things. But in a world like we live in today everything gets messed up at times. But no one’s alone, just reading all these comments makes me see it more clear than ever. So keep ignoring the negative thoughts, keep fighting and loving life. <3
Jasmina says
Only just read this after your Instagram Story post, it didn‘t show up on my bloglovin feed for some reason ?
Just wanted to send you a virtual hug! It‘s so great to see a blogger talk about mental health. The past 6 months have been the hardest of my life so far, I developed a really bad panic disorder last summer and depression as a result. On days where it feels almost impossible to leave my apartment, your blog is one of my happy places where I can escape to, so thank you for that! ❤️ Also, I thought I’d mention that I got a Havanese a few months after you did haha, I discovered the breed through you and now I have a furry little companion through these hard times so thank you for that as well!
Reminding myself that „Your now is not your forever“ also helps, so here’s to leaving a shitty January behind us and looking forward to better days! ❤️
Marianna says
Oh that’s weird! Thank you so much for writing these lovely words Jasmina! That makes me so happy you have no idea, if I could be any kind of help for you it would mean so much to me. ❤️
Minnie is one of the best things ever happened to me, so happy to hear you have your own fluffy cuteness too. It’s somehow so comforting having a pet to take care of. And I love that quote. Thank you x 10000 ❤️
Stephanie says
Thank you for being so open! I feel like I know you more now and can connect more. I dealt with bi-annual depression from age 8-18. Those were horrible, awful years. At 16 I had a breakup and depression at the same time and it felt like my world would collapse. Instead of the usual week, all month long I wanted to take my life. I started dressing emo and I even tried cutting, which I ended up hating and never doing again. At 19 I found Jesus in a new way. I was a pastor’s kid and homeschooler and a goody-too-shoes and I always loved God, but when I went to my current church, churchofthehighlands.com if you’re ever curious and want to watch for yourself, I experienced Jesus, people, and life in a way I never had. I was fully accepted, ugly short spikey hair and emo clothes and all. This healed my 10 year long hormonal depression cycle. Life didn’t change, but somehow I did. About two years later I met my husband and when that happened a whole new confidence bloomed. I hate saying that. Because I hate that I waited so long and that it took someone else loving me for that to happen because I fully believe you can do it without someone else. But I guess, sadly, for me, it’s what it took. I never had boyfriends. I was weird and hyperactive but also an introvert and shy. I was into fashion and design but also a huge nerd and love video games and geeky people. I could never find anyone with the same weird as me. But one day… idk. I finally met him. I’m saying this to say, if my very very very weird and quirky self can find someone, ANYONE and EVERYONE will find someone. If you have patience. Those high school and college years of not having any friends or guys who liked me at all were hard. I know where you are. It sounds like you’re an ISFJ on the Meyers Briggs like I am. I, too, feel things strongly and deeply and get excited easily and passionate. I feel what others feel all the time. I think we’re both empaths.
I guess I just wanted to say… there’s hope. I’ve been there. For a decade. And… there’s a way out. It’s not religion or tradition. It’s not chants or robes or statues or kneeling. It’s about a real relationship with someone who died simply because He wanted to take all your depression and brokenness away and make you whole again. The link I put has online services. You can watch on your own time. And they have past ones so you don’t have to do it on Sundays even.
Anyway, I’m not meaning to preach. I just wanted to share how I found hope and light. Winters are tough. I know. But we are all here and love you. Definitely feel free to share with us! I’ll be praying for you. I know you have a special calling in life. And I know some very lucky guy is looking so passionately for you. I also know your current friends adore you. I have only a handful of friends myself. It’s how we introverts operate best. Deep, meaningful friendships instead of a ton of surface level ones.
Anyway, LOVE YOU! XOXOXO
Marianna says
Sounds like there are a lot of things common in you and me. I’m so happy to hear how things turned out with you, I’ve heard many people saying how it heals to find someone who accepts you just as you are. For me it’s hard to reveal myself in relationships, and I often think beforehand that it’ll all end so better not to start. But one day it will change! And yes friendships are so important too, just like you said, quality over quantity. I feel really lucky for having so many friends here too, that’s how it feels when you are sharing me this kind of things.
Thank you so much for this Stephanie! Such a beautiful comment! ❤️
Alexis says
Marianne, you inspire many people.
I hope that the rest of the year will go easy. And it will consist only of ups.
And in your life there will be more people who will support you.
Your sincerity amazes me even more. You are a very strong girl!
I send you hugs from Russia ♥
P.S.// Sorry for bad English ☻
Marianna says
Thank you Alexis, so kind of you! Your English is perfect by the way 🙂 ❤️
Nancy says
Thank you for sharing it with us!
Keep swimming Marianna!! ❤️
Marianna says
Thank you sweet Nancy ❤️
Magdalena says
When I read all in this post, every word.. I felt something in my heart. It’s very sad situation but I think it’s good that you wrote this very private post. Everybody think that bloger’s life is perfect and always happy with amazing outfits and travels. It’s not true. Everybody can feel sadness, be tired and look bad. I understand you. I’m not a bloger but I see how people try to be perfect, have perfect photos on instagram, they are crazy about that subject. Last year I fall in this trap too. I must stop using any social media to make me feel better. Now everything is going to be ok. It was good lesson for me. I hope you will be better with yourself and your feelings. It’s gonna be ok, you see:)
Marianna says
Thank you so much for this Magdalena 🙂 I’m really happy I wrote about this after all, I was so close to not publish this. Posting about more meaningful thoughts and possibly helping someone would be the best thing I could do here. x
Anonymous says
Dear Marianna,
what a wonderful post! It’s so brave of you to write about depression and how you cope with it. It’s not a ‘pretty’ topic, that people would expect on a typical fashion blog. But the way you write about it is really beautiful (even though ‘beautiful’ is probably a more than weird word to use in this context). There really is something to the way you write and the way you see things really has a certain beauty to it.
I’ve read and loved your blog almost from the beginning, even though I don’t usually comment on any post. But this time I somehow had the feeling I should show you my support. Please always stay the way you are and don’t be afraid to show your thoughts and feelings on the blog in the way that feels right to you. I’m sure the people that count will understand and always stay your readers. I definitely will.
Marianna says
Thank you so much for the wonderful words. And for the support. I didn’t know I could feel this good and accepted after writing about this topic, this was more important than I could have imagined. ❤️
Paulina K. says
Hey, Marianna!
I’ve been following you since you moved to your first tiny apartment in Helsinki, I’ve no idea what year that was.
All I want you to know is that there are many of us here, girls who have been reading you for a considerable amount of time and I think it’s safe to say, that we’re not going anywhere.
Thank you for being you. You’re my favorite blogger ever and greatest inspiration.
With lots and lots of love
Paulina K.
Marianna says
Hi Paulina! Wow that was a long time ago! I’m so grateful for that kindness, and for having so amazing readers like you. Thank you! ❤️
Amanda says
Hey, Marianna! I’m a blogger myself and I know how overwhelming it might be to blog when you’re not feeling well. Just take your time. I follow you for years now (I guess I’m here since 2011) and I love the way you put yourself in your posts. Don’t you worry about being light all the time, we all are humans and we all have good and bad moments. And everything is so much better when we share with people, right?
I hope you feel great soon!
XOXO
Marianna says
Hi Amanda! You are right on that. Thank you so much for being so sweet! So amazing you’ve been a reader for that long! ❤️
Anna says
?
Marianna says
❤️
Hannah says
You are an amazing woman. Being true to you and not fitting into a mold is the best; well done for being transparent. Realness is refreshing. Thank you. x.
Marianna says
Thank you Hannah, so lovely to hear. ❤️
Paulina says
Dear Marianna ? your Text brought me to tears ! Have you checked your thyroid values? I felt so down, tired and depressed for years until my gynecologist found out that I had Hashimoto! It sounds so stupid giving a person advice you don’t even know! But Hashimoto can often cause depression! So much Love and strength for you! Love ? Paulina
Marianna says
Hi Paulina, thank you so much for the comment.? I should get them checked again, it’s been already a few years since they were tested, and the results were a little confusing. I can only imagine what a relief it was to find out a thing like that!
Arkeni estetiikkaa says
Todella rohkea kirjoitus kun uskalsit kertoa masennuksestasi. On täysin totta, että nykypäivänä esim. blogimaailma on paljon vaativampi ja pitäisi pysyä virran mukana jos haluaa olla ns. pinnalla. Tämä voi luoda stressiä ja ahdistusta, joka sitten näyttäytyy itse kullakin omalla tavallaan, juurikin vaikkapa masennuksena. Tämmöiset syvälliset ja aidot tekstit iskee muhun ja varmasti muihinkin lukijoihin paremmin sillä niissä tuodaan enemmän esiin boggaajan persoonaa ja todellista elämää. Tietenkin pitää miettiä, mihin haluaa vetää omat rajat blogin ja yksityiselämän suhteen, mutta edes pieni pala omasta elämästä tuo huomattavasti enemmämn syvyyttä blogiin. Toivottavasti mielesi kirkastuu ja helmikuu olisi valoisampi <3
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon tästä ihanasta kommentista ja tsempistä! <3
Anni says
Pidä omasta itestäs kiinni, se on tärkeintä koska työ on vaan työ. Olen itse sote alalla töissä ja näen joka ikinen päivä työkavereissani väsymystä ja uupumista. Myös itsessäni. Olin kuluneen viikon sairaslomalla koska pöpö iski, mutta olin vain iloinen että saan olla pois töistä siitä kiireestä ja stressistä. Kun vaan ymmärtäis että työ on vaan työ, se ei ole elämässä se juttu. Pidä itsestäsi huoli, haluan lukea ja nähdä juuri niitä arkisia asioita ja huomata rivien välistä ilon ja tasapainon 🙂
Marianna says
Oikeassa olet 🙂 Kiitos tästä kommentista Anni! <3
Sofia de Oliveira says
I love this
I feel proud you are like that
Im amazed by what you have built
Im your follower
Im your supporter
Im your admirer
Xx
Marianna says
<3 Thank you thousand times, I love that.
Melissa says
As many others already said, I as a reader enjoy your personal posts a lot too and almost appreciate them more than the perfectly planned out outfit posts because they show the real you. That is exactly why I’ve been following you (silently) continuously for such a long time. I feel like I can really relate to you, not just to your style but to your personality too, seeing as I’m an introvert myself. Take your time whenever you’re feeling down and don’t feel pressured into posting just for the sake of posting. And for me personally, a little wait in between makes me appreciate new posts even more 😉
Sending lots of love your way :*
P.S. I would also recommend having your thyroid checked if you haven’t already. I found out that I had hypothyroidism a few years back and am on medication since than and it has really helped a lot with the tiredness and slight depression!
Marianna says
I have a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow, after reading these suggestions to get it checked I just had to book right away. Thank you so much Melissa, you seem so sweet! <3
Anna says
Aivan ihana postaus ❤️ Tiiän että vaatii paljon jakaa toi kaikki, mutta toivon että se antaa sulle voimaa, itse ainakin olen huomannut että niin usein on. Olet upea kaikin puolin ja vaikka vain kerran ollaankin tosielämässä hyvin pikaisesti tavattu (sinun, Alexan ja Lindan blogimiitissä The Cock- ravintolassa), uskon vilpittömästi että olet sitä muuallakin kuin vai blogissasi! Iso peukku pystyyn tälle oman sinäsi toteuttamiselle, aivan varmasti vain positiviinen muutos, kun nykyäänkin on jo niin ihana! Tsemppiä ja haleja, jatka samaa rataa elämästä nauttimista ❤️
-Anna /aduaa
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon ihana Anna kauniista sanoista! ❤️
S says
Mukavaa että uskallat jakaa näitä syvempiäkin ajatuksiasi täällä. Joskus sitä melkein alkaa luulemaan että on ainut joka kamppailee vaikeiden juttujen kanssa. Itselläni ei ole ollut masennusta, mutta isälläni oli vaikea sellainen, ja hän kuoli viime keväänä. Se vuosi menikin sitten miettiessä syviä. Tuntuu että olin ihan väsynyt jonnekin joulukuuhun asti. Jotain maagista tuossa loppuvuodessa kai on, kun aina tuntuu että olo alkaa tuntua vähän kevyemmältä. Kannattaa olla jouluihminen 😀 mutta samoin, tammikuussa tuli taas vähän tyhjä olo. Noh..kai se on sitä elämää. Koitan myös ajatella että kaikella on tarkoituksensa. Toivottelen sullekin parempaa loppuvuotta 🙂
Marianna says
Voi, otan osaa. 🙁 En osaa edes kuvitella miten kova paikka tuo on ollut. Läheisen sairaus on niin vaikea hyväksyä ja käsittää.
Joulukuun pelasti mullakin oikeastaan kaikki jouluun liittyvä, sen jälkeen ajattelin että luonnollista olla vähän haikea ja tyhjä olo, mutta kun siitä joulusta oli kulunut jo kunnolla aikaa, ei se ihan sen piikkiin enää mennyt.
Mutta paremman loppuvuoden puolesta todellakin taistellaan. Kiitos tästä ihanasta kommentista, ja vain tämän jakamisesta!
Elena says
Thank you for sharing… so many people going through it and still so difficult to talk about it. Thank you brave lady, you sharing it helps a lot. All my love to you ❤
Marianna says
Thank you lovely Elena! ❤️
ElisaS says
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
luin tekstin vedet silmissä. Nuo sydämet on kiitos vuosista, joiden aikana oon saanut lukea sun blogia, oppia sulta valtavan määrän asioita, kasvaa vitosluokkalaisesta ylä-asteen kautta lukion toiselle ja seurata sua ihmisenä/bloggajana. Ja hitsi niiden neuvojen ja tuen määrä, miten paljon oon saanu sulta oikeestaan kaikkeen aina meikkijutuista omaan sumuiseen fiilikseen. Kiitos kaikesta, tää postaus taas muistutti miks mä joka päivä tulen tänne. <3
Since Ikea-päivä postaus hahaa
Marianna says
Voi ei, itkettää ja naurattaa samaan aikaan ❤️ Aivan ihana kommentti, kiitos. Tulipa hyvä mieli vain siitä tiedosta, että joku sunlainen tyyppi siellä lukee tätä. 🙂
Rina says
I really appreciate your blog post. I often feel the same way and especially January was horrible to me. I could not feel anything but sadness. However, when I read your post yesterday, it gave me a positive feeling inside. It is good to know you are not alone and that people all over the world feel the same way. Thank you for your honesty! Please keep up with your personal posts. I do love your blog and your kind of writing. I prefer someone who is honest and can write about things that are not always perfect. Most of the influencers do not represent real life, but you do – and that makes your blog unique! Thank you so much for that! I hope you are feeling better now, keep your head up. Everything will be alright. Greetings from Germany xoxo
Marianna says
Thank you so so much Rina! That means so much to me. <3
Joan says
Many hugs from me to you Marianna. I’m sure this was a tough post to write and took quite some courage but i’m glad you did and i hope it helps you feel less “distant” in a way. I’m happy that you seem to be in a better state of mind. I was depressed and anxious for a while after giving birth in 2016 but i had so much help and i was (and continue to be) very thankful for it. Remember you shouldn’t feel that you ought to overcome something so difficult on your own.
I’m always happy to read about your personal updates just as much as (maybe even more so) your outfit/home posts, since it gives genuine insight to you as a person, not only a ‘blogger’. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us.
Marianna says
Thank you so much Joan for this lovely comment. I’m so happy to hear you overcame your anxiety! These kind of problems are so hard to explain, and hard to speak out loud, but feels rewarding after reading these comments. So thank you <3
Lorna says
Marianna, how you’re feeling right now is exactly how I am feeling. I don’t have girl friends really and never really did, and I am battling my hormones, anxiety, health, and blogging. It’s my full time career like yours, but I get so stressed out with it sometimes. Trying to create the perfect content, doing the best photo shoots, having something Instagram worthy or getting annoyed when your numbers don’t go up or whatever else comes with it, superficial in a way, but as it’s an extension of your life and part of you, as well as your job, you can’t take a break from it like you said. It’s hard to find the right balance. Hopefully Summer will be better for both of us and things will start feeling more productive and positive xx.
https://raindropsofsapphire.com
Sheri Lola says
Hey Mariannan,
I just wanted to comment and thank you for sharing. I am sure a lot of your followers can relate, as I can. I just realized the other day that my mood for over a week was affected by PMS and I am just learning how real it is. We are all in this together, this thing called life. Everyone goes through rough times even when they appear to be at their best. I want you to know for years I have always returned, and looked for your blog because of your subtle, calm, yet intriguing presence. You are so special, and so important. Push through all of life’s challenges, the sun always shines again.
Marianna says
Thank you so much Sheri ❤️ I can say the same words back at you, what a beautiful comment. x
Eden says
Hi Marianna, I think this post is really amazing and brave. I struggle now and then with my own sadness. It get’s annoying people saying “oh lots of people would love to be in your place” The truth is I’ve worked my ass off and made sacrifices they have absolutely no idea about. I can only be so much, and do so much. Your timing is impeccable as I’m going through a dark time myself, the Grey winters in Vancouver do not help! I think we are on day 18 of rain…
I really enjoy your blog and have been following for years. Keep doing what you’re doing! You have platform and it’s great to see you sharing something that so many of us struggle with. Hat’s off to you, the world is changing and it’s about time we start having these conversations.
take care of yourself!
xoxo
Marianna says
Hi Eden, thank you so much for this! <3 Oh that sounds so tough, and the grey dark weather isn't definitely helping. It's weird how much that can affect on your mood and energy levels too... But luckily spring is coming. Wishing all the best for you too. x
Milla says
Marianna <3 Kiitos kun jaoit tarinasi. Olet uskomattoman vahva. Hiljattain itsekin keskivaikeaan masennukseen sairastuneena on helpottavaa huomata, että sairaudesta puhutaan avoimesti yhä enemmän ja enemmän. Se antaa toivoa, kun tietää ettei ole yksin.
Olen myös introvertti ja sen lisäksi eritysherkkä. Menneisyydessäni olen joutunut läpikäymään todella ikäviä ja vaikeita asioita. Nämä käsittelemättömät asiat kytivät hiljaa pinnan alla mutta jossain vaiheessa iski totaalinen uupumus. Huomasin etten ollut enää oma itseni, ennen iloa tuottavat asiat eivät tuntuneet enää miltään, sosiaalinen ahdistus kasvoi, aloitekyky laski ja jopa ruoanlaittaminen tuntui yhdessä vaiheessa ylitsepääsemättömältä. Olin todella uupunut, jatkuvasti surumielinen ja itkuherkkä. Päivittäin heräsin rintaa puristavaan ahdistukseen ja sain muutaman paniikkihäiriönkin.
Olen kuitenkin päättänyt, etten anna masennuksen määrittää minua. Minulla on toivoa siitä, että voin vielä joskus sanoa aidosti olevani onnellinen ja hyvässä paikassa. Välillä on huonompia ja välillä parempia päiviä, mutta pikkuhiljaa tunnen kipuavani ylös. Olen juuri etsimässä itselleni terapeuttia, jonka avulla haluaisin pyrkiä kohti tuota tavoitetta ja saada selkeyttä asioihin.
Vaikutat todella herttaiselta ihmiseltä. Kuuntele voimavarojasi ja pidä oikeat ihmiset vierelläsi, heiltä saat voimaa. Ja mitä tulee blogiin, hienoa että toteutat omaa visiotasi etkä antaudu ulkopuolelta tuleviin paineisiin. Sinun ei tarvitse mahtua mihinkään muottiin, stay true to yourself! ISO hali täältä ruudun toiselta puolelta <3
Marianna says
Voi kiitos Milla, miten ihana kommentti. <3
Vaikka introverttiydessä on monia hienoja puolia, harmi miten siinä tuntuu olevan myös taipumus masennukseen. Pystyn samaistumaan tosi hyvin sun ajatuksiin ja kokemuksiin. Mulla oli myös ongelmia tuonkaltaisissa arkisissa asioissa, jopa kirjeiden avaamiseen ja kaupassakäyntiin tarvitsin apua, pahinta on juuri sellainen halvaantuminen. Oon kyllä kiitollinen etten osaa enää kuvitella tuohon sentään paluuta.
Vain tämän kommentin perusteella voin sanoa samat sanat, oon varma että pystyt olemaan aidosti onnellinen ja elämään vielä ilman masennusta. Niin viisaasti ja kauniisti kirjoitettu. Ja oon varma että pystyt nauttimaan elämästä aivan uudella tavalla, kuin ilman masennusta läpikäyneenä. Onnea oikean terapeutin etsintään, toivottavasti löydät juuri sen oikean tyypin.
Kiitos vielä tästä <3
Pernilla says
I love this post and I can so relate to it. I really enjoy your blog! Thank you for sharing this. <3 Pernilla
Marianna says
Thank you Pernilla <3
Eva says
Thank you for writing all of this. I’ve also dealed/ still deal with depression since it’s something that never truly goes away. I think it’s so important to say these things out loud. I also experience a lot of mood swings during my cycle, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. I found yoga very helpful to cope with this, not 100 procent but still, maybe that’s something you would want to try.
When it comes to your blog content I would love to read what you’re just described. I don’t care about fashion weeks and designers. The reason I come here is you. And I think if you stick to what you consider important on your blog you will attract the kind of reader you what to have that are here for you and not for the new picture of guccie bag.
I wish you truly all the best. You’re great, smart and beautiful.
Marianna says
Thank you so much Eva, absolutely love your comment ❤️ I get so much energy from these comments here, you really are the best. x
Linda says
<3
Marianna says
<3
Roosa says
Kiitos, että jaoit näin henkilökohtaisen asian! Sinun blogisi on itselleni vieraampi ja olen lähinnä seurannut instassa. Tämä postaus nosti kyllä paljon arvostusta sinua kohtaan bloggaajana. Että uskalsit puhua tästä vaikeasta aiheesta. Itse olen ulospäin juuri sellainen ettei kukaan uskoisi että olen myös kärsinyt masennuksesta, ja välillä se taipumus nimenomaan nostaa päätään. Silti todella harvalle kertonut, miksiköhän siitä on vaikea puhua vaikka muuten puhuu asioista hyvin avoimesti… Tsemppiä kevääseen, kyllä me tämä masennus vielä lopullisesti selätetään!
Marianna says
Kiitos paljon Roosa, ihanasti sanottu! Mun ajatukset masennuksesta on muuttuneet yhtäkkiä aika paljon, jotenkin on tullut semmoinen tunne, ettei ole mitään menetettävää, ja että jos jotenkin pystyn auttamaan ja tekemään näistä asioista vähemmän tabua, oon sen valmis tekemään. Ja todellakin selätetään, tsempit sinnekin! 🙂
Anni says
Really beautiful post! Please keep up with posts like this. I really enjoy your blog. I think the unperfect is the perfect so please do not let yourself stress because of the “perfect world” on instagram etc.!
Have a nice week. Greetings from Germany!
Marianna says
Thank you Anni, so lovely to hear! x
Yana says
We love you Marianna, what you are! Really looking forward to your posts!
Marianna says
❤️
Magdalena says
Hi Marianna,
I just want to say that I’m with you at these hard moments. I know how hard it is, coz my mom and friend are struggling with depressia too.
I love your blog not because you are perfect, but you’re honest person who doesen’t pretend anything. The difference between your blog and the others is that you not only post nice photos but also write about something, thighs which are important to you. All these things makes your blog so special.
You’re doing great job and have many things to be proud of 🙂
Hugs from finally snowy Poland :>
Marianna says
Oh I’m so sorry… Wishing you all the best, really hope better days are coming for your loved ones. And thank you so much for those sweet words, I really really appreciate that. <3
Anna says
There is nothing I can add to the beautiful comments above. You are not alone, Marianna. You are a strong person and I’m proud to be your reader for 7 years now. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to give you the hug you deserve. <3
Marianna says
You are so kind, thank you Anna <3
Elena says
Hi,Marianna!
Being an introvert,I sometimes have such thoughts too. But I try to get calm thinking about the simplest things: I’m healthy, I’m smart, I’m beautiful, I have a wonderful family, I have the best friends,I have a cozy home ..why the hell should I be upset and feel depressed?!) I have so many valuable things in life others can only dream about)
I know, may be it sounds a bit childish, but it is so true!
And as far as your blogging is concerned, believe me , we appreciate your honesty and trust to us and we are always ready to give you our support cause some if us feel the same in times 😉
Marianna says
Yes, sometimes it’s hard to understand your mind, just like the rest of your body, it can get sick too. (Someone e-mailed me this and I loved it. 😀 ) Thank you Elena ❤️
Anastasia says
I’ve been following you for a few years now I think. It feels really good to read this kind of stuff. Not that I’m happy that you have depression!! But because I know that when people are able to communicate about their mental state and to share instead of keeping everyhting inside, they are on the right path to healing. So keep going, we don’t need ‘perfect’, we just need ‘you’!
Cheers!
Marianna says
That’s the most beautiful sentence. Thank you so much Anastasia! ❤️
T. says
I have my therapist, too… for many years. I battle with social anxiety. Well, there are a lot of us struggling with mental disorders or just bad feelings… My exboyfriend has been going through depression for many years… it’s great when we see the results of therapy and everything is getting better… but it’s work for the whole life.
Feeling as an outsider in groups of teenagers…I know this… I think it is so important to meet with good people whom we trully like and we support each other… school times are not easy because we cannot choose the people we meet every day… and sometimes it is suffering which results in bigger mental problems.
Bug hug for you!
Marianna says
Yes, therapy is a long process, and you might not even see the results until you think where you started. I agree on everything you said. Thank you so much T, and sending hugs right back! ?
Evelin says
Just know that you are not alone and we are here to support you! ? I personally don’t care about those “must-be-blog-posts” (fashion week, travelling, designer stuff etc). I love simple things and I love the fact that you post all kind of everyday stuff too. But what I like the most – your personality. That’s what makes me come back to read your posts. I love how unique you are! ?
Marianna says
Thank you so much, I’m happy to hear you like it that way. 🙂 So sweet of you to say that. ❤️
Kaisa says
❤️
lola says
I’ve read your blog for a long time now…you were always my favourite blogger, and I always thought you were the kind of person I like to be friends with. Even though you own -much- more expensive clothes than I do and that you travel -way- more than I do nowadays, you always seem so down to earth and laid back about your amazing lifestyle…this post only makes you even more amazing. You are a strong and inspiring woman, and I hope you keep on writing about whatever you feel like sharing with us 🙂 Even though we obviously love fashion, in the end I stick to the bloggers that come off as actual human beings ho are courageous enough to say something interesting and honest, and your blog feels more like home, in a way. I also suffer from anxiety, you’re definitely not alone. I truly wish you all the best!
Wiki says
I feel you! <3 You are right about paying attention to those "tiny" things. What I've learned while battling the peak of depression, was to be more empathetic towards others and myself. Small things can send you or others spiral down, let's be nice to others and to ourselves. Thanks for sharing & take care!
Olga says
As I commented here before, I follow you since late 2010. This means I love reading about you, your life, your goals for the new year. I’m sending you the best positive energies, because you have so much potencial, so much to live and so much to get strong about. And I believe you can outcome depression, and experience so much more. Have you ever considered starting an youtube channel? I think this would be my dream lol
With all the love,
Olga
gabrielakre says
I love that you’re honest with us! I think this is what makes your blog special and so many girls love it. I hope you’ll be better and better with your depression thing and that it will go away one day completely. I love that happy Marianna that tell us about the little things in life that makes a smile on your face.
Kisses♥
Gabi
Marsh says
I am really sorry that you have to deal with depression. Just know that while your fans (at least me and I know others) care when you are hurting. We want the best for you.
Feel free to email at anytime if you get down.
Marsh
Nina Sax says
Hi,
Not sure if you suffer from depression, or loneliness ?
It must be so difficult to be you. I mean you are absolutely gorgeous, you have a job, a cute appartment, a sense of style, many friends, but yet you live in a digital world. You have to show to all the internet a big part of you. This must be hard since you once said you are more of an introvert. isn’t that confusing ? And the fact that there are still some things from your life that you prefer to hide, like if you date a guy. Did you go on many dates in the past years ? It seems to me that this must make you very lonely. Hard to deepely connect with someone. I really hope that one day you will be able to heal from the blogging, from taking a picture of every pretty food you eat, to buy flowers to take a picture of them, to have to dress pretty and try 100 pictures before you can choose one. That’s not as easy as many envious girls probably would like to live. You are connected to so many, and yet in the evening you fall asleep alone. That’s really sad. Get real. Hope you can heal one day.
Keep being strong.
Fabiana says
Marianna, thanks a lot for this post.
I really feel you as an inspiration for me, not only because of your real outfits, but because you look like a real person in this world of blogging, so please, just continue doing what you do and being this amazing and real girl you are. I love you, love your big posts, feel a lot the same most of time and you are like an inspiration about lifestyle for me, for sure.
Kisses and hugs from Brazil. :*