I’ve been reading all of your comments, messages and e-mails today, after publishing a bit more personal post yesterday. Oh how much I appreciate every single one of them! Reading them was heart-warming and hear-breaking the same time. You made me feel so warm, safe and supported, but the same time… So so many of you related, so many of you knew what I was talking about. Even though I know depression and mental disorders are quite common, it still shocked me.
Oon lukenut ajatuksella tänään kaikkia kommentteja, viestejä ja meilejä eilisen postauksen jälkeen. Voi vitsi miten paljon arvostan niistä jokaista! Ja oon iloinen että kirjoitin aiheesta, vaikka alkuun epäröinkin. Pelkäsin ehkä, että tulisi fiilis että joutuisin todistelemaan jotain, kun en niin yksityiskohtaisesti kuitenkaan kirjoittanut. Jaoin jotain kuitenkin todella henkilökohtaista, jotain mitä en olisi uskonut joitakin vuosia sitten että tulisin täällä jakamaan. Mutta kuinka moni sitten epäili tai vähätteli, ei yksikään. Silti päällimäisenä takaraivoon jäi pyörimään ihmetys. Miten moni muukin. Kyllähän mä tiesin, että masennus ja mielenterveysongelmat ovat niin paljon yleisempiä kuin uskoisi, mutta miten moni kertoi samaistuvansa, yllätti silti. Vaikka sen teoriassa tietääkin.
I don’t know why I thought that feeling down and having this kind of problems would ever come between me and my blog, I don’t have to pretend to be perfect here. When I was younger I feared I would get caught on all my imperfections. In general I was afraid of getting caught. I didn’t even know what it fully meant, but something related to striving for perfection and feeling guilty of being so imperfect. My thoughts were so black and white about it, that flaws and incompleteness would mean ending up alone. That problems needed to be hidden. I’ve learnt by now, that the right people will stay in your life, no matter how imperfect or incomplete you are.
Sitäkin jäin miettimään, miksi olen ajatellut että masennus tulisi ikinä millään tapaa mun ja blogin välille, kun ei täällä tarvitse esittää täydellistä. Nuorempana pelkäsin paljastumista, en vain blogissa, vaan ihan kaikessa. Olisinpa jo silloin ymmärtänyt, ettei tarvitse jäädä kiinni mistään, vaan olla rehellisesti sellainen kuin on. Kaikkine vikoineen. Ajattelin mustavalkoisesti, että jos paljastaa omia ongelmia, jää yksin. Luulin että täydellisyys oli tavoiteltavaa. Mutta kyllä ne oikeat tyypit pysyy, niin siellä kuin oikeassakin elämässä. Ja silloin se yhteys on kultaakin kalliimpaa.
I hope I can talk about this subject here in the future too. If I could just give the same kind of warm and safe feeling to even one single person, that you gave me… I would want all of you to know, who opened up to me about your stories, that you are not alone. You have zero reasons to be ashamed for having problems. Life can be crazy, you deserve a medal for being here just where you are right now. I hope none of you will be left alone with your problem, whatever kind of mental issue it is, whatever kind of dark thoughts and in whatever level. No one needs to go through it alone. I know it’s a common way to think, that you don’t need help, someone else needs it more, you’ll just handle your stuff yourself. That’s how I thought, but I wouldn’t have beaten depression alone.
Toivon että pystyisin jotenkin käsittelemään tätä aihetta jatkossakin, sillä jos pystyisin yhtäkään ihmistää auttaa ja antamaan yhtä lämpimän fiiliksen kuin minkä te annoitte mulle… Tiedon ja turvallisen tunteen siitä, ettei ole yksin, eikä ole mitään hävettävää. Toivon että kukaan ei jää minkään tason mielenterveysongelman kanssa yksin. Yleisin ajatus varmasti on, että kyllä tämä nyt tästä, mitään apua tarvita, kaikki on hyvin. Joillain voi mennä huonomminkin ja niin edelleen. Mutta olisinko mä esimerkiksi selvinnyt ilman apua, vaikka näin vähättelin ja halusin lakaista maton alle kaiken? No en. Yksin ei kenenkään tarvitse selvitä, niitä synkkiä ajatuksia ei tarvitse eikä kuulu vain sietää.
Did you know that human brain is designed to protect us? From everything that could possibly hurt us. Our brain and mind is designed for survival, and always hesitate when something creates excitement or fear in ourselves. And did you know that fear and excitement are the same feeling in your body, and your brain doesn’t always know which one you are feeling? So then what happens often: a thought -> excitement -> hesitation/fear -> surviving and protecting yourself -> not doing it. I don’t know which one I felt when I thought this subject as a post idea, fear or excitement. But decided to write anyway. I want to make conscious decisions not to believe my old false beliefs, how you should just hide all problems. Thank you once more for all the comments. I’m starting now the answering. (And probably going to start crying all over again, they mean so much I don’t find the words for you.) ❤️
Tiesittekö, että ihmisen aivot on suunniteltu suojelemaan meitä? Kaikelta mikä saattaisi vahingoittaa. Aivot ja mieli on suunniteltu selviytymään, epäröimään kaiken kohdalla joka herättää minkäänlaista pelkoa tai innostusta. Ja tiesittekö senkin, että pelko ja innostuminen ovat kehossa aivan yksi ja sama tunne, aivot eivät usein tiedä kumpaa nyt tunnetaan. Ja tällöin syntyy reaktioketju ajatus -> innostus -> epäröinti/pelko -> selviytyminen/itsensä suojelu -> tekemättä jättäminen. Mä en tiennyt kumpaa tunsin kun tätä aihetta ajattelin postausideana. Pelkoa vai innostusta. Mutta kirjoitin silti. Ehkä siksi, että valitsen tietoisesti olla uskomatta vanhoihin valheellisiin ajatuksiin, miten nämä ongelmat kuuluisi piilottaa. Kiitos vielä kertaalleen kaikista kommenteista. Aloitan nyt vastailun. (Ja pillahdan varmaan taas itkuun, ne on vain aivan liikaa.) ❤️
PS, This here was my outfit of the day. The -10C weather felt like -20C near the seaside with the wind. I’m a little happy to though to now have proper winter here, and it was the first sunny day in a while.
Coat Mango
Scarf Zara
Sunnies Bottega Veneta
Ania says
I am so happy that you feel this way about us – followers 🙂 I wish you all the best, hope you will get better. And don’t care about any bad words – you are a really nice person, inspiring, wise and charming 🙂 Be yourself!
PS. You look so cute in this scarf <3
Marianna says
Thank you so much Ania ❤️ You are so kind!
Dixi Wonderland says
I can´t even tell you how brave I think you are. I have had a hard time opening up and I don´t even come close you the amount of followers that you have. You seem like the sweetest person ever and I would love to have you as a friend Marianna. Thank you so much for opening your heart and letting us in. Hope our comments and experiences can help you when your feeling down <3
Marianna says
What a big compliment, thank you SO much. <3 The amount of support you gave me is unbelievable. Suddenly that side of me isn't a secret anymore, it's not as dark and hidden anymore, and I wish everyone going through same kind of things could feel that acceptance and support. x
La Bijoux Bella | by mia says
Bonjour Sunday, a beautiful peaceful day to be out and about. It’s good for the mind. Find the Sun and go with it. Sometimes it works in our favor, the Sun brings hope and happiness. ??
You are doing great. Keep up being strong as always! ??❤️??
??LA BIJOUX BELLA ??| By Mia | A Creative Lifestyle Blog</A
Marianna says
Thank you so much Mia! ❤️ Sunshine always gives more energy, I’m so happy that spring and summer are ahead of us. x
Lua says
Love you Mariannna ♥
hey, have you ever broke a tooth?
Marianna says
You are so sweet! 🙂 No I don’t think I have… why? x
Larissa says
I’ve been struggling with depression for many years now
Thank you for writing it
It’s nice to find someone who understands you
I cry often and I don’t feel comfortable to talk about it
Sending you love and support
Marianna says
Thank you for this comment Larissa, I wish I could help in any way… Know that you are not alone. <3
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog says
Don’t worry girl, you’re not alone. Your readers are always with you! ❤️❤️
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Marianna says
❤️
Vaida says
We are all only imperfect humans living with another imperfect humans in this imperfect world. And that’s absolutely fine! I’ve been reading your blog since 2011 and even though I never comment, I would like to say that you are a special girl. Beautiful outside but even more beautiful inside. Be yourself and never let anyone to tell you that you are not enough. Because you are! You are talented, creative and sweet person. There are many people out there supporting you because you are real and kind, not only because you own many nice bags 🙂 Big hug from Australia/Lithuania 🙂
Vaida
Marianna says
I can’t find words! Thank you ❤ This made me so happy. You are amazing!
Natali says
Looking all cute so bundled up! Just like with the cold air and Winter weather, to get “rid” of how uncomfortable it is on our skin, we dress up in layers and try to protect ourselves from the coldness. Same with anything in life… The more uncomfortable the feeling is about something, the more with try to find the ways on how to cope with it and “get rid” of it the easiest. Sometimes, the fastest way isn’t the best because in many cases it means that we’re just postponing the inevitable – having to deal with the root of the problem sooner or later.
Thank you for speaking up and opening up… I believe that depression AND perfectionism are two different “sicknesses” but both are so much entwined/ linked to one another…
To top it all off, it’s not so easy to live in a country which is by default set to be very depression prone place. Constant lack of light, darkness and coldness do get to you easily.
Stay warm, sweet and relatable as you are. 🙂
https://lartoffashion.com
Marianna says
You always find the wisest words, thank you Natali! ❤
Charlotte says
You‘ve always been and will always be complete and perfect to us readers! ??
Marianna says
?❤❤❤
vveronika says
Dear! Of course I don’t know you and your situation but I would like to say this: maybe your therapist is right to ask that question about social media and having a happy life. Of course depression exsisted before social media but it’s also true that it became much, much more common since social media has started to have such a big influence on our lives. I’m 38 and so we can say when I was in my 20s we didn’t have this situation… and now at 38 I can say that social media is very dangerous becasue I see what it does with people. Even if you are truelly conscious about it and remind yourself that don’t compare your life with perfect instagram photos…it is still hard,almost impossible! even for me, this whole thing affected me only in the last lets say 4 years when I was over my 30s beeing more like an adult who knows what she is doing … sort of 🙂
So for instance if we are having someone who is more sensitive to feedbacks or generally has anxiety etc it does effect her/him more…
Maybe you don’t feel it now, but probably if you would cut yourself of all social media/internet for a month spending your days travelling in Asia I can assure you that it would give you a different perspective reflecting on your life. I think working as a fulltime blogger, beeing on social media 24/7 you cannot really judge what effect it has on your life beeing under the “influence”. It’s just a thought….be safe, take care of yourself and you can change your life, work anytime and you don’t owe with anything to anyone. V
Marianna says
Yes, I do agree with you and understand your point completely. Thank you for this great comment, I have to think about this even more… xx
jepu says
Itse keskivaikeaa masennusta ja kaksisuuntaista mielialahäiriötä sairastavana tuntuu niin hullulta että kaksi lempi bloggaajaani on lyhyen ajan sisään ilmoittanut sairastavansa masennusta. Katson Teitä niin ylöspäin ja “fanitan” ja unelmoin että voi kun mulla olis samanlainen elämä kuin Teillä. Vaikea uskoa että Teillä voisi myös olla masennus niinkuin mulla itselläni. Teillä kun tuntuu olevan asiat niin hyvin. Masennus ei todellakaan näy ulospäin.
Marianna says
Tosi harmi kuulla… Nämä asiat eivät kyllä näy päällepäin. Toivon kaikkea hyvää sulle ja vähän aurinkoisempaa kevättä ja kesää. ❤
Milla says
Marianna, I’ve been reading your blog for about 10 years because you have always been inspirational, unique, sweet and fun. But wow, you have just grown so much in my eyes. This is so much more than a pretty fashion- and lifestyle blog. Just be who you are, your readers like you for who you are 🙂 <3
Marianna says
Thank you so so so much Milla. ❤
Ana says
It’s incredible how you can influence people you must be aware that you’re doing very beautiful work because your followers love, not only how beautiful and stylish you are, also all you think, and the way you are . I am 52 years old and I find you as inspirational as your young followers do. I admire you because you know more about life than I knew when I was in my twenties. You are very wise and you have the strenght to be the guide of lot of people who follow you, that’s a big responsability, as well. And you do it very well because you put your warm heart on it and we feel it. Thank you very much for openning your heart. I’m your fan since you started blogging and I love it.
Marianna says
What an amazing comment. Thank you so much for this from the bottom of my heart. ❤
Alexis says
I dreamed of this bag Alexander Wang as soon as I saw her at the MK Olsen in 2009.
I think that it is perfect. Out of time. Always stylish.
Your outfit looks so nice and cozy that it’s important in a cold winter.
Hug ♥
Marianna says
Thank you sweet Alexis ❤
julia says
amazing outfit dear!
M. says
I hope you feel better today <3 I think your heart, the way you see world and how you feel about it, is not your weakness but your strength. It is beautiful to be soft in this cruel and cold world. I've never understood this being a bitch- trend. I think sensitive hearts hold the real power. And I see it in you. It's nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. As you see you have so many people supporting you <3 It's gonna be fine. With your blog and you. Still sending hugs <3
Marianna says
❤❤❤ so many hearts here. The most beautiful words. Thank you!
neecik says
For me, you’ve always been the best blogger #oneandonly 😀 Stay strong and positive! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you
Marianna says
You are the best. Thank you so much ❤??
Zlata says
Absolutely love ur style! 🙂
Marianna says
Thank you Zlata ❤
Paulynagore says
You look fantastic dear 🙂
http://paulynagore.blogspot.fr/